July 28, 2010

Shame-nesia

Posted in Awkward Moments, College, Funny, Good Times, Relationships tagged , , , , , at 11:22 am by bahamablonde

The pressure is on! Ever since K-Ron (the owner of this blog) asked me to guest post while she’s out of town, I have been wracking my brain over what to write, and I’m totally grasping at straws!

Dredging the depths of my memory to find a coherent and hopefully amusing college “confession” has proved far more difficult than I anticipated! I’m pretty sure my apparent amnesia for those 4 wonderfully liberating years can be attributed to 2 things:

  • A helluvalotta alcohol
  • A helluvalotta shame

LOL! But really, I think so many of the things that I/we (we, being Club 7310) did during our time together, were so ridiculous, I must have subconsciously blocked the memories to protect my self-esteem!

Here’s a good one:

Flash back to 2006. Actually, May 13th 2006. Yup, K-Ron’s 20th birthday; obviously a big deal. We always made a big deal out of each other’s birthdays in Club 7310, cuz hell-it was the best excuse ever to get dressed up, get wasted, go downtown and be as ridiculous as ever, all, WOOOOOO IT’S MY MUTHAFUCKIN BIRTHDAY BITCHES! Yea, it went more or less like that. Not just for the birth-day, but typically the entire birth-week!

So, where else do we end up for K-Ron’s b-day but Pat O’Brien’s on Bourbon Street. And let’s just say, we had more than a few hurricanes (if you haven’t had one, get your butt to NOLA & try one. They’re delish!) Well into the wee hours, we’re still carryin’ on, not ready to go home, and someone (hell if I can remember who) has the brilliant idea to go to Ampersand. How to explain Ampersand…? Ampersand always promises to be a ridiculously crazy night; it’s this hardcore techno/house club that is always packed, and where it seems like everyone is coked out of their minds and ready to party forever. I mean, Ampersand doesn’t even open until like 3am, so you know that’s hardcore. So we go there. Man. I need to fast track this story…

I end up meeting this (local) guy, Travis, dance, make out, exchange numbers, etc. But he gets dragged out of the club by his sis, and by this time it’s gotta be like, 7am? 8am? I really have no idea, but it’s light outside. The sun is full on up! But all I know is I’m excited (in my drunken stupor) about this guy…it must have been one of my more sensible roommates that decided it was time to go home.

Now. Let’s take a look at this picture. This is me. Hi!

what a good night looks like

This picture was taken by one of the roommates who had gone home, slept, woken up, and was making breakfast the following morning. Meanwhile, I had just walked in the door. Check the clock on the wall. 9:15. Yea, AM. What’s going on in this picture? Dirty, bare feet? Nasty. Dress strap, broken. Classy. Two nightclub wristbands still on. Awesome. Water bottle. Necessary!

And apparently, all I kept talking about was my “new boyfriend”, Travis. My roommates are all, WTF? When did Laura get a boyfriend? When we left her last night, she was def single…??

I really don’t even know how to describe what Travis became over the next few weeks. Turned out, he lived in Baton Rouge, LA, about 1.5hrs north(ish?) of NOLA. So our first “date” was him coming down to NOLA, and staying with me for the weekend. Yea, I know. You’re thinking, Sluuuuuuuuut! And really, I don’t blame you. It was def wasn’t your typical dating scheme, but hey, Club 7310 had the peeper to worry about, and I was happy to have a man in my bed for protection! (More on the peeper later…)

So, the first week or so I’m thinking I might like Travis…He assigns himself a special ring-tone on my phone. James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful”. Sweet, right? Um, NO! Worst. Idea. Ever. “You’re beautiful” is forever ruined, not only for me, but for all of Club 7310, because that motherfucker seriously called or texted me 1,000 times a day. Good Lord! More than 4 years later, that song still makes me gag…

Then, like 2 weeks into our “relationship” (NOT what I would have called it…arrangement works better for me…) He gives me his grandmother’s diamond ring. WTF?! That’s way too serious! But he refuses to take it back! Suffice it to say, I’m totally freaked out!! Not to mention, it’s now like June, and I’m going home any day now for 2 months of summertime bliss with my real romantic interest (who is now my boyfriend of more than 3 years…but I digress)

Another week or so with Travis, and I come to find out all sorts of awesome gems about him…

  • 7 year old son he’s not supporting
  • Dishonourable discharge from the Navy
  • Estranged parents
  • Failed engagement
  • Lives with his sister
  • $3,000 in traffic tickets
  • Suspended driver’s license
  • No college degree
  • Works on a barge?
  • There’s more, but I just can’t remember…

I’d really hooked myself a keeper, huh?? Oy vay. First of all, what kind of person divulges all of this horribly, unflattering information so early in a “relationship”? (The answer, as I soon realise, is a desperate, deranged person) But I mean, I’m trying to make up my mind whether I even give a shit about you, and you tell me all this crap? Second of all, get me the hell out of here, ASAP! That is a whole mess of drama & loser-dom that I want nothing to do with!

Thusly, Travis was never heard from (actually, never responded to) again! And the bitches at Club 7310 lived happily ever after…kinda…

Bitchy? Maybe. Ridiculous? Absolutely. Entertaining? I hope so!

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3 Comments »

  1. […] July, 2010 by bahamablonde Hiya my imaginary readers! Don’t forget to check out my guest post over at “Confessions of a College Graduate”! That’s some juicy shit right […]

  2. Tory said,

    Oh my goodness!!! As a former member of Club 7310 myself I can attest to this ridiculous story – and the gag reflex that James Blunt now induces. This is fantastic, I hope there are many MANY more to come.

    Also, I’m pretty sure I took that picture because I have never been to Ampersand (it scares me, haha) and I vividly remember that morning like only a well rested person could.

  3. bahamablonde said,

    LOL, i’m glad you enjoyed reliving this shameful memory with me 🙂 hahah! looking forward to digging up a few more like it!


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