July 20, 2010
Girlfriend Blues
Before I get into this post, I just want to give you a heads up that you’re in for a complete and utter word-vomiting rant. I have to say that I’m sorry in advance, but sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, even if it’s to the dismay of my readers (of course, if I even have any). I listen to people bitch constantly and I’m not really a fan unless I feel like having a full on bitchfest myself, which seems to be pretty frequently (but clearly I’m totally sidetracked and that’s not important), so if you don’t read this, I understand and I promise I won’t be offended. So there’s your disclaimer… read on (or don’t, I suppose). But I think you should if you really want to know what’s going on in my life right now. And you know you do.
Anyway, I’ve exclusively been with my boyfriend for almost four years (for those of you who are wondering, our “anniversary” is in October. And yes I put that in quotes because I know that dating someone for an eternity doesn’t exactly qualify you as an official anniversary, but whatever), but we’ve been dating/seeing each other/hooking up/hanging out/whatever you want to call it for over four and a half years. Four. And. A. Half. Years. On top of that, we’ve been officially living together for over two years (though we basically lived together for about eight months of our relationship before that), and I’ve moved around in two different states specifically for his job. And yes, he is still my boyfriend. And I am still his girlfriend. I am not his fiancee. And I am not his wife. I know this is hard to understand because who in their right mind stays with someone for that long without a more substantial commitment, but bear with me, OK?
So yeah. As I’m sure most of you can figure out, that’s part of the problem. I have been wanting to be more than just his girlfriend for well, more than a while, and it just sometimes seems like it’s never going to happen. I’m only 24, so I haven’t been in a huge rush or anything, but he’s 29 and we’ve been together for so long that it’s gotten to the point where I’m wondering, what’s the hold up? And I’m very aware of the fact that if he wanted to make our engagement a priority, (until he recently took a new job where he’s making a lot less money, hence, us moving in with my mom) he easily could have made it happen. But he didn’t. And he hasn’t. And I just don’t understand why.
He’s been telling me for at least the last two years that he’s been “making payments” on a ring and that “this is the year” for us to get engaged. But, part of me doubts if that’s really even true and if he’s just been blowing smoke out of his ass to ease my mind and get me to shut up. *Again, another disclaimer. You’re going to think that I’m a huge brat and that I’m totally ridiculous, and well, I agree. But I want what I want, and that’s the way it is. And he is the exact same way, so it shouldn’t be a problem.* But anyway, we got into this huge discussion (not really sure if that’s the right word…) last summer about our future engagement, and apparently that’s when he realized that I was serious about only wanting a ring from Tiffany. Which I don’t really understand how that’s possible, seeing as how he asked me over a year before that what kind of ring I wanted, and I showed him the Tiffany Legacy. Repeatedly. And he never mentioned having any problem with it. But for some reason unknown to me, he really freaked out about it during that “discussion”.
So fast forward to a few weeks ago, where I brought the idea of engagement back up to him, and asked him WTF. Like, why do you continue to bring it up and make it seem like it’s something that is realistically going to happen in the immediate future if that’s not the case? And so he finally tells me that he has been making these alleged payments to a jeweler (NOT Tiffany) that is owned by his family friend and that, to get me a ring from Tiffany, he is going to have to ask for his money back, and it’s going to be awkward. And that he is going to do it, but that he has been putting it off because he has been being selfish and not making our engagement that big of a priority. Really?! What kind of answer is that? Ugh. Yeah. Annoying.
Then to make things worse, his job is about to be insane for the next six months or so, and we are barely going to get to see each other at all (other than going to sleep at night). And I’m frustrated. I just feel like I’ve put too much into him and into our relationship for us to still be at this point. So, I dunno. When you think about it, I guess I’m feeling like that in pretty much every aspect of my life. I spent my whole life working to get into the college that I wanted, and once I got there, I busted my ass so that I could get a job that I wanted, but that didn’t really happen either. I’m just in this weird, awkward place where it feels like I’m standing still and everything else is passing me by, and I don’t know what to do to catch back up with the current.
So… wow, sorry to be so depressing, but I warned you, and I guess I just had to get it off my chest. I promise, next time I won’t be such a Debbie downer and will be a little more entertaining, I hope? But thanks if you made it all the way through reading this. I needed it.
thoughtsappear said,
July 20, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I’m only at 2 years with my boyfriend, and I feel the same way. Guys are frustrating.
confessionsofacollegegraduate said,
July 20, 2010 at 9:46 pm
Sigh… at least you’re still on the right side of the “if he doesn’t propose within the first three years, he’s not going to” rule that my mom reminds me about all the time. And she heard that on Cosmo radio, so it must be true.
thoughtsappear said,
July 23, 2010 at 9:28 am
Your mom (and Cosmo) says it’s 3 years? Phew. My mom’s been telling me two years.
You’re younger than I am, so I feel like you should get extra time.
Stupid slow guys….
confessionsofacollegegraduate said,
July 23, 2010 at 9:47 am
Stupid slow guys is right. But yes. And since Cosmo radio *apparently* knows all, you shouldn’t sweat it too much. For your sake, I hope he hurries up though, because this waiting-it-out bullshit is really… whack.
ilovemacaroniart said,
July 23, 2010 at 7:32 am
I understand your frustration. And I apologize, I should have read on before I asked how long you guys had been together in your first post. Does the Tiffany ring really matter all that much? I mean, if it does, that’s great, but what if he had this awesome ring picked out that he’s been paying on for so long and he’s almost finished, but then goes for the Tiffany ring and it takes even longer to pay off? By the way, I love that you used the phrase “word vomit” because I tend to do that a lot & it’s your blog you can do that all you want.
Good luck
confessionsofacollegegraduate said,
July 23, 2010 at 9:32 am
No worries… you were just starting from the beginning, so I hadn’t quite gotten to that point yet.
But yes. I know it seems really shallow and superficial, but I have always wanted a ring from Tiffany, and I just can’t imagine that big day with anything other than a little blue box. He actually hasn’t picked out a specific ring yet, but he was just putting the money into his family friend’s jewelry store so that it would be there when he was ready. From what he’s told me, the issue has never been with the *cost* of the ring I want from Tiffany, but just that he’s going to have to deal with the hassle of getting his money out of the other place first. Sooooo I dunno, and I guess we’ll see.
Thanks for the good luck though! I need all I can get at this point.
Say it Ain’t So! « Confessions Of A College Graduate said,
August 18, 2010 at 3:00 pm
[...] with my boyfriend for almost four fucking years (in case anyone forgot that little rant, it’s here). But really? You know so much about relationships and life in general that I should really take [...]
mairzeebp said,
August 22, 2010 at 4:15 am
So, I’m not sure if this is an appropriate question to ask but, do you really believe that he’s actually been putting money away/down at that shop he’s talking about or is he just telling you that to back you down? I hope that doesn’t seem super nosey and feel free to tell me that it is absolutely none of my bizness
. I wish I could figure guys out. They are pains in the ass. Their logic eludes me… And I totally get the blue box. I have only purchased silver from Tiffany but walking out of there with that little blue bag brings me a happiness than I wish I could bottle and sell on the street 
confessionsofacollegegraduate said,
August 23, 2010 at 4:27 pm
LOL… I’m the one putting all of my business out there, so it’s totally appropriate for you to ask me whatever you want. I *like* to think that he’s been putting money down, but of course I have no proof of that so I can’t be really sure. I guess we’ll find out sometime between now and October 30, 2011 (my five year deadline), though, and of course, I’ll keep you posted. Thank you for stopping by the blog and for understanding my Tiffany logic! It’s good to know I’m not the only one that gets it